I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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