five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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