someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
