just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize