Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
