i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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