And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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