Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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