please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
