took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
