JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
