On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
