Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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