I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
