She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
