His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
