just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
