We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drake has all the answers
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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