I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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