Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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