so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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