At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
