yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
