i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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