We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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