just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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