Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
