Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
