dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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