I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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