just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize