Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
