Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
