i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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