I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
