You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
