Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
