Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
