you traded sex for a burrito?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize