YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
