Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
