ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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