Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
