so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
