we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i dont even know how to be here
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
