ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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