i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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