so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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