Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
