I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
