"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
