Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
