I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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