her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
