Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
