Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
