Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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