He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
