i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
