I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
