Just cropdusted the office
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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