I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
