omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize