We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
