youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize